Is It Really? Life Better After Painful Divorce?
For women, they say, life would be better after divorce. Whether life is really better after a painful separation or it isn’t, whether going to court was a wise thing to do – opinions generally diverge.
I’ve read quite a lot on this matter as I, of course, was confronted with similar problems. Well, who wasn’t?
The purpose of this rather long blog post is to tell you, mainly with my own words, something about my strongest impressions after having read thousands of articles, pages, comments, dialogues, interviews (on tv or online) on this painful subject.
You’ll read different positions concerning a better or worse life after separation or divorce.
Why did I choose these testimonies, these impressions, these sometimes opposing opinions? Because I was really impressed. They are wise, genuine, concise, true, human.
And they are all religious persons.
I sincerely hope that you too will find a consistent benefit in reading them.
Better or Worse
Let’s go for the best, straight from the beginning, and quote two testimonials from this generous article:
“Those eggshells you used to walk on? They’re no longer there.
My decisions are the ones that actually get made. I’m watching my daughter grow into the kind of woman I still hope to be when I grow up. Eggshells are simply eggshells now and not a metaphor I have to walk on,” says Jayne Schroeder
or this other testimonial:
“I always enjoyed spending time with my kids but getting to raise them on my own, I didn’t know how much I would enjoy just being immersed in their lives. The rewards of being solely responsible for their well-being were enormous: The school conferences, concerts, sporting events, taking care of their worries, talking with them about first girlfriends, first boyfriends — all of it — gave me more joy than I ever thought possible.” says Joseph Seldner
As I was saying, I will try to recreate those impressions unleashing my literary skills. Sometimes I use the pronoun “I” when I am writing as if I were the story’s character. I hope this will work fine.
How To Stop A Divorce – 4 Steps For A Miracle And Not A Snap
“I fell in love with another man and didn’t want to have an affair, so I left my husband.
Then, I knew nothing about divorce. It didn’t work out with the other man, and I have bitterly regretted it ever since, over 10 years ago.
I have never found anyone I loved nearly as much like my ex-husband. When I tried to talk to someone new about their feelings and their past, they met me with stony silence.
They, too, were in love with their husbands and didn’t want to go through the heartache and pain of divorce.
I was hurt, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Well, I still get butterflies just thinking about the pain and hurt that is still there and that it should never have been. And that it is still so painful to think about.
I don’t know if I would classify myself as having PTSD, but I know that I have a lot of anger and hurt, and it feels like a constantly rolling downhill boulder.
I also fear being alone and not having anyone to turn to, even though I know it is impossible to get over it.
Indeed, I have a lot of fear of being alone, and I worry that I will never feel okay again.
And I feel a lot of ANGER.
Anger is the hardest thing to shake off.
I have no idea what triggered this outburst of anger or whether it is a habit from when I was younger.
The anger was just unleashed, the anger of being abandoned, of being taken for granted. I was so angry that it spilled over all over my body, and I screamed. Now, this never happens to me and was something I did not often do before.
The anger just kept growing and growing and growing until I couldn’t stop myself.
This happened just before my divorce was to be finalized. I felt like my world was falling apart.
I had to sit down and make peace with myself to make sure I did not snap again. I was scared that the anger would never leave me, and I was scared that my life was now completely unmanageable.
I sat in front of the fire, and I cried. I listened to the rain on the roof above me, and I felt like it was falling on bricks in my heart, and all the bricks were made of anger.
I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and the anger was gone. It was gone for good, and it felt amazing. I went into my house, and I went on with life.
I took a walk outside my house.
The anger was gone. Suddenly.
And…the anger was gone, and it felt so good to walk on the roof terrace again.
I walked to the river, and I watched the rainfall on the bricks in my heart. The rain felt like it hurt.
When I woke up in the morning and smoked a cigarette (my words – I don’t support smoking at all; I quit years ago, and I have never regretted it), and walked on the roof terrace again didn’t feel so bad. I went outside on a walk, and smoked (it’s me again – bad habit) a cigarette, and looked out the window. I went outside on a walk, smoked another cigarette, and looked out the window again.
It was so much better.
It was so much better to wake up and not snap again. It is so much better to wake up and grab a cigarette and not think and feel bad about the past and the marriage as if my future would be large opened and bright, before me.”
The END of this little story. I hope you’ve enjoyed it!
By the way, if you are interested in reading a post about rebuilding your life after divorce here is the link. If you wish to read more about the first steps to divorce, here’s another blog post of mine
What Do You Do When Your Partner is a Divorce Hoax?
These words will develop an interesting comment I wrote down after reading an online edition of The Guardian (unfortunately, I didn’t mention the author, just the main thoughts).
The words really impressed me, and now, I’ve decided to re-write these ideas as if they happened to me. Again. You’ll see; these words came from a deeply religious person.
I hope my writing skills will persuade you to keep reading this post to the end.
But first things come first. These are the preserved comments to that interesting article in The Guardian I’ve mentioned:
“My ex-husband of over 30 years started acting differently. He was behaving as if he didn’t want to be with me, arguing with me or with our son all the time. Finally, I left him, and then I filed for divorce.”
Life after divorce (and during the relationship) for a religious woman
It was a shocking surprise. Shocking indeed. Only then did I discover he’d been seeing his first wife. My first reaction was to file again, but I’m a Christian, and when I see my former spouse, I pray hard.
I ask Jesus to give me the grace to know that I’m on the right track this time. And He does.
Since then, I’ve found out that the ex-second wife is a liar, and worse, she has done this twice now, and I can see her doing it. She’s not a saint, but she definitely has the gift of being deceitful, which is why she has my ex’s attention and interest.
I’m not sure if I can trust him anymore.
I think a person has a right to know what the other half of the marriage is doing. It seems to me that we have a choice in the matter.
I know this is a subjective matter between two individuals, but I think we really have a choice. Or should have it. I feel it is a matter of a person’s soul.
When I pray, I ask my God to give me the Grace to know that this is the Right Thing. He always does it.
The thing is, I don’t know if I would have a heart or not had I filed. I know the answer is Yes if I had filed the second time and it should have been a matter of knowing the truth then taking action accordingly.
I’m not saying this is a proper way to handle the situation or that you should do this. I am just saying that the answer is Yes based on my personal experience, and I know the answer is affirmative because I have seen it happen.
I also know the answer is affirmative; again, this is the proper way if you do all.
When Divorce Seems Not To Be An Option
I got divorced because of what I think was seemingly a communication breakdown; I regret it now because we were probably still very much in love when we ended our marriage.
This all made it sadder.
Looking back in time and reconsidering those facts, it would have been good to get counseling to help me cope with the separation. Pay attention: the person in your life at any time should be your focus.
Avoiding the separation?
My wife took off with her friends after she left me, but then she called me and told me that she was pregnant; I cried for hours. She had a boyfriend when she told me, and she wanted the baby.
I cried again; I was heartbroken.
My life changed for the better after the baby was born; we always talked about it, even after all these years. I could somehow see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish to God I’d met Jesus Christ back in time, and I would have recognized him and been glad to have him as my Lord and savior. I was outraged, bitter, and perplexed at this point.
So many emotions, anger, hurt, and confusion changing my life after separation
For women and men, The Bible talks about being angry as the devil’s weapon to hurt the person you love, but The Bible is not a book for angry, bitter, and confused people.
My reaction was not helpful or necessary.
Anger and bitterness are the two swords of the Demon. He wants you to fight with each other; he wants to tear you apart, break you apart, and for that reason, it’s important to recognize his weapons and put them in a book.
I wish I’d recognized his weapons, but he had us for a reason because he can use us.
God can restore our marriages, for God can use us to restore the Kingdom of God on Earth.
He can always give us the patience to endure the hurt and pain and the strength to heal and reconcile. He can give us the joy to live again and happily ever after. I am confident He can use us for that purpose.
If you recognize any of the weapons of the devil (even if you don’t believe him), you must overcome them to live a happy and fruitful marriage.
If you do overcome them, you have a future with a purpose, a beautiful future. You are a new creation.
Is anyone happier after divorce?
You’ve just experienced loss. No one is to blame, and it’s time you realized that you’d lost your dream of the relationship, of the family you wanted.
You’ve lost your goal of the marriage you had planned together.
You’ve lost your life.
You had a bright future, but now it’s about time to think about yourself.
Will your life be better after divorce? That’s the big question!
You were probably still in love when you’ve ended the marriage, making it sadder. Perhaps, it would have been good to get counseling to help me cope with the separation.
Pay attention: the person in your life at any time should be your focus.
You can’t have a relationship with someone when there is an emotional difference.
I know some people feel they didn’t do anything wrong, but I think they should take the blame, too.
You’ve just experienced loss. No one said it’ll be easy. It won’t. It isn’t.
How does life change after divorce?
In fact, it’s quite a significant life change, but it might have been better if some people were more supportive at a time they could have helped.
A divorce can be emotionally hard on you and your kids. And, yes, you’ll feel guilt for losing the marriage, too, but it has to be one step at a time; you’ll survive, you’ll come out the other side, and you will be okay.
If you want to heal a relationship, you’ll need a therapist who understands that marriages are fragile things and can provide sound advice.
The relationship you want to recover is going to be your own. Healing the marriage might mean your whole life.
If you’re still feeling grief and anger, it’s because you haven’t let go of a dream; one that you had. It’s important to acknowledge that.
But you’ve lost that dream. That dream is gone. What you need now is to acknowledge your future.
Moving on after separation
What is now is good. You are starting a new chapter, and you deserve happiness.
The best way you’ve been able to cope with this loss was by denying reality and denying the facts of your life’s truth all the time.
The best way to cope with grief is denial, and you’ll deny that you’ve lost everything. You have a future. There’s happiness.
Now, you need to let things happen. If that doesn’t work, you might have to acknowledge the facts. There is a future; it’s yours.
You will survive, and you will love. There should be a part of you that feels happy. You’ll survive, definitely.
You have to acknowledge that this isn’t fair; this doesn’t seem right, but it’s the reality: this will pass, which is wrong.
You are starting a new chapter, living a new life, and it’s all good. You’ll survive in your new home.
Well, these were the short stories I remember after countless pages and hours on the net and in front of the tv-set. People are trying to find happiness after divorce; why wouldn’t they?!
Impressive, isn’t it?
I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog post.
P.S. All photos in this blog post have been chosen from the DigiProduct Collection entitled Groups and Couples. I have bought the copyright (all the rights reserved) of this marvelous collection, and I can use any photo in my work, with or without any alterations.
Disclaimer. Please, observe that any legal reference in my post should be read, considering that I am NOT a lawyer. Life frequently makes almost anyone, men and women, traverse the narrow paths of justice, and in this journey, you will definitely need a specialist, a lawyer.
That lawyer is NOT me as I don’t have any certification in this field whatsoever. If writing about these matters, I could not avoid short references to courts, judges, lawyers, sentences tec. as they regulate our complicated lives. If confronted with these situations, please don’t wait and find the path to the best lawyer you could afford and whom you really trust.
I sincerely hope that life will be better after divorce (or separation) if you have decided to go that way!