If You’ve Ruined the Marriage & Wondering How to Fix It, Become a Life Guard.
Lifeguards save lives (maybe marriage counseling should work instead); if you’ve ruined your marriage and willing to restore it, fix it no matter whose fault you think it was, then you definitely need ‘solid‘ advice.
Excellent advice! Before seeking help outside, try domestically and hurry to salvage your relationship!
- Let your partner know how much you value his/her feelings.
- Tell him/her that you are sorry that he/she has hurt you.
- Say that you are seeking forgiveness.
- Say that you are aware that you have gone down the wrong path and that you will change. This will boost self-esteem and confidence.
This will make your partner feel that you are on the right track…………………….
And saying to yourself with immense regrets: “Well, I ruined my marriage; how can I fix it?”
“How do I repair my broken marriage?”
WoWoW… It Is Not So Easy…
The first thing to realize is that it is likely not only your marriage that you are having problems with but probably also your whole life.
There is nothing that says that you cannot work things out with your partner.
As is true with any marriage, the foundation of your compatibility is that both of you want to have a great marriage.
How to fix a marriage that is falling apart – a few general ideas.
Without proper communication, the relationship will struggle.
It can even be nearly impossible to repair when talking about your marriage; set aside time for each other.
It would help if you planned how long you would speak on the phone and spend time together.
You should also try and set a time that you will spend alone together.
If you have issues to discuss, you must talk to each other. Learn to accept each other as individuals.
This is so important in terms of fixing your relationship and getting back to a happy marriage.
You can have excellent compatibility.
It is not simple to turn things around, but it is possible to put your mind to it.
First of all, you need to be committed to doing everything you can to help the relationship turn around.
Another thing to remember is that you can stop trying until you know that you have tried everything you can.
If you have tried everything, then the question becomes whether the relationship can be saved.
Is your relationship worth saving it?
When trying to decide whether your marriage can be saved, the best approach is to remember WHY you fell in love with your partner in the first place.
Remember that you fell in love with the very fact that you loved your partner (read more on receipts re. how to fight for your marriage; click the link).
It did not matter how miserable you may have been or how angry you may have been with each other.
If you loved each other enough, then you could work things out.
When considering your marriage, be willing to try new things as they relate to the relationship.
It is unlikely that your marriage will last forever.
However, the most important thing is that you want to continue to make things work.
When thinking about turning things around in your marriage, the important thing is to think about how your actions will contribute to making things work.
The steps are things such as starting each of your days with a date night.
Starting your day with date night is an action that will contribute to the turn your marriage around.
Starting your day with date night does not mean staying out all night; it simply means that you stay home with each other.
Another thing that you can do to turn your marriage around is to communicate with each other.
This is crucial if you are interested in saving your ‘happy‘ marriage. If you are open and honest with each other, you will be able to work out many of the things bothering you.
How to turn your marriage around can be simple and easy.
Simply working on communicating with each other will be enough for most couples.
Suppose you are unable to communicate with each other.
In that case, many things are essential for you to understand.
For example, many couples decide to go to counseling because they cannot communicate with each other.
However, you should not think that this is all that it takes to save your marriage. You should also understand that going to counseling will only be a start.
It is not enough.
There are many things that you should also understand that will affect the turn of your marriage around.
However, if you are not open and honest, these things may be difficult for you to understand.
For example, as a first step, if you will go to sleep with each other in the middle of dinner, you should realize that this may affect the way you feel about each other.
By letting each other know about these things, you can lessen the bitterness in your relationship.
After all, you can not change the feelings that your spouse has.
However, you can change the way that you feel about your spouse.
Also, if you are not open and honest, you will not fully understand what your spouse is saying to you.
You can simply think that he/she is misconstruing things.
However, you should not believe that is all that it takes to save your marriage relationship.
You have to make substantial changes.
A failing marriage is a matter of facts that you do not doubt about.
You don’t have to pretend that it isn’t a matter of facts. A marriage is a matter of fact that is important enough to deal with.
Your spouse’s feelings about the marriage are a matter of fact that you do not doubt.
You have every right to feel whatever feelings you want about the marriage, but the feelings don’t make the marriage.
The relationship, your relationship is a fact that should be addressed carefully.
To save your marriage successfully, both of you should understand that you have to make changes. spending time together
However, you should both understand the ways that will affect the turn of your marriage around.
And, you should both realize that it will take time to turn your relationship around.
Finally, both of you should recognize that each of you has to take responsibility for changing things that affect your marriage.
If you do not accept liability for your actions, then nothing will change.
How to Use This Stage To Improve Your Marriage
Think about something you said that hurt your spouse.
Maybe it was a hurtful statement about them; perhaps it was something they were unsure about.
Just make sure that you have used your best judgment when coming up with a list of complaints.
You don’t want to make your marriage more hurtful.
Every day is a new day to work on your marriage.
Think about your tone.
How you said something hurtful. Do you regret it?
Think about it a little bit.
Why did you say it? Was it directed at your spouse?
You can say hurtful things about yourself to a spouse to get a response.
Your spouse will take it as personal.
And you will feel that your words hurt you.
What you really want is to save your marriage.
The more you take your relationship to heart, the better your marriage.
You realize your words are not meant to hurt (how to act on frustration and avoid major mistakes, learn more by clicking this link).
You understand you are just saying something in frustration.
That’s why you want to apologize.
That’s why you want to tell her that you regret your tone. And do it honestly; no tricks involved…
If you take the opportunity to think about what you are saying, it’s much easier to apologize.
It’s easier to apologize.
Think about your own actions. Have you hurt your spouse in some way? And have you apologized?
It’s not about who did what to whom.
It is about letting your spouse know you would like to work on the marriage.
What they have done is hurtful to you, so you would like to apologize.
You would like to work on intimacy, so your spouse can see that even you have your faults. After all, your one person married life brought you enjoyable things till now.
And that you can make mistakes.
No more mistakes…
In the first stage, “I think we are in big trouble.” “I feel bad for hurting you when you did that.” “I know we can improve the marriage.”
You are thinking about how to help your marriage.
You can not fix it by yourself, and you will take your marriage to a better place.
The things you did that hurt your marriage would not harm your marriage in a different situation.
Another marriage would have other things that hurt.
If you need to apologize, then tell your spouse you are sorry.
It may be challenging for you to say sorry but try your best.
And then say that you want to be on good terms again.
When you want to make your marriage better, you should not focus away from your spouse.
Give more time to your spouse.
When you want to make your marriage better, don’t forget your spouse.
If you are already using this stage to make your marriage better, don’t forget yourself too.
A marriage is about two people: you and your spouse.
You should not forget about the other person because the second person is still playing a part in your union.
If you are using this stage to start to mend your marriage, don’t forget what you can do together to fix it.
At this stage, how do you know when your marriage is really over?
As you have done this stage, you should know how to use this step to improve your marriage. Spending time together would be an excellent idea.
When you have used this stage, you can also know the best options to fix your marriage.
The best opportunity to fix your marriage is to go to marriage counseling, to a marriage counselor.
This is because a marriage counselor will help both of you to work things out.
A counselor will help both of you to get along better and avoid a painful broken marriage. After all, he’s got a tremendous amount of marriage counseling books for this job…
This is very important if you want to fix your marriage.
Is your marriage worth saving?
You could also go to a marriage counselor and tell your spouse that you have realized that you have hurt him/her and want to apologize.
If you have used this stage to improve your marriage, you can also know what kind of actions are appropriate for you to mend your marriage.
You will have no regrets.
When you know the best options to use when you are already using this stage, you can focus on the other person and not yourself.
If you go to the right actions, you can take the best option to fix your marriage.
How do I repair my marriage? I ruined my marriage; how can I fix it?
If your marriage is nearly broken and falling apart, then there are some steps you can take that will help save your marriage.
There are some moves you can take that will help get things back on track.
First, you need to stop blaming each other.
Blaming each other makes the situation much worse, doesn’t it?
If you want to stop blaming each other, you first need to promise that you will be clear and rational (another blog post of mine about a healthy marriage checklist and rules would be helpful, I hope; click the link).
No longer will you be in the dark.
No longer will you argue about something that doesn’t need arguing about.
And, no longer will you be the one making the first move.
Be careful what you say to your partner, stay calm, no yelling.
You have to keep your cool, stay focused on the issue at hand, and make your point effectively.
If your partner can keep his or her cool, then this will give you more time to communicate effectively.
After being attacked or criticized, the next thing to do is to apologize. Try the so-called relationship coach method. Spend time, spend more time together.
It’s unbelievable how spending time together, and talking can improve your failing marriage.
The thing is, people think they are sorry enough for what they did.
They say they are ashamed that they hurt you or offended you.
But, what you really need to say is something like, “I am sorry that I hurt you. I understand that this hurts you. I know that I hurt you. I will try to be a better partner in the future.”
Say the apology in a calm and focused voice.
You don’t need to say it in a fearful or crying voice.
Gentle and attentive can carry a situation.
Don’t say it in a hurry, and don’t say it in a rambling tone of voice.
Be sure to put the past behind you.
After you have apologized, you can move on to the next step.
What’s next after apologies…
The following step to take is to commit yourself that you will change.
The time you spend worrying about what your partner did to you is time you don’t spend doing things yourself.
This is time that you could be doing something constructive for yourself, your marriage, or both.
You can easily overlook the concerns if you don’t take care of them.
To stop blaming your partner and be clear on your own actions, you will need to commit to yourself that you will be the better person.
If you are the better person, then your partner will become the better person.
It is simple, really. Think about it.
You will be calmer. Your partner won’t be rushing around, and you can focus on more important things.
You can be relaxed and focused. And, it is an easy way to stop blaming your partner and be clear on your own actions.
The next step is to ask your partner for some time out.
As you can see, this is more difficult.
You will need to be able to show your partner that you are the better person.
To do this, you can recommend that they spend some time with a friend or family member.
You can indicate that they spend some time in a private space, take a drive or go for a walk.
This makes it more accurate, more genuine.
Because you can show your partner that you are sincere in your request and have some alternative ways to prove that you are the better person.
You are doing this because you can’t get any actual resolution by yourself.
And the more you force your partner into confrontation, the more likely they are to retreat.
And the more likely they are to remain silent and to block your own way.
Lastly, the next step is to make a commitment to yourself.
To show your partner that you are the better person. To show your partner that you are aware that you’re guilty of having ruined the marriage and trying now hard how can you fix it.
To tell them that they are wrong and that you are right.
To show them that you are on their side.
This is what you have to do.
The more you force your partner to decide between you and them, the more they will become more receptive to your feelings and your points of view.
The more you show them and make them see that they are wrong and that you are right, the better chance you have of having a positive resolution.
Ask for forgiveness.
Now that you”ve ruined your marriage, the problem is how you can fix it?
The first thing you have to do to save your marriage is to recognize that the relationship is in trouble.
A failing marriage will always be difficult, but you must accept the situation and work with each other to repair your relationship.
Can a severely damaged marriage be repaired?
If you go down the wrong path and are unable to return, then what you have to do is ask for forgiveness and beg your partner to return to the positive approach.
When you take this stance, you become a better person.
You are a human.
This makes you more believable.
Your partner is unable to deny that they have gone down the wrong path.
And, you have become a better human being because you have acknowledged the error of your ways.
Your spouse is likely to come around when they see that you are sincere about wanting the relationship to work.
In fact, they will likely come around sooner than you think when you show them that you have listened to their point of view and have taken them into account.
How to heal a broken marriage…
If you have noticed that your partner has said something that hurt your feelings, try to be considerate.
Just tell them that you were wrong and that you would really like to apologize.
Then proceed to tell them how you really feel about the issue at hand.
If your partner doesn’t reciprocate this, then remind them of the issues at the center of your marriage.
And remind them that you have noticed issues and how you have taken them into account.
Tell them that you are aware that you are doing something wrong and willing to change.
Tell them that you will be a better person when you do.
Your spouse is likely to come around when they see that you are sincere about wanting the relationship to work.
In fact, they will likely come around sooner than you think when you show them that you have listened to their point of view and taken them into account.
My Wife Thinks About Separation. Will My Unhappy Marriage Work Out Better?
One day I was out with my buddy.
I was out with a cousin whose husband I didn’t know very well.
We were out with our wives.
We were having a good time.
The best way to improve your marriage every day is to recognize when the road is bumpy and deal with it.
Then the conversation turned to marriage, and I was saying how I was thinking about how hard it was to love someone else and not have my own life.
They started saying how hard it was to stay married to me.
I was so hurt and so mad. I thought I did everything.
How could they say I didn’t do anything to keep my wife?
The short answer to this question is “nothing.”
I guess I thought they did.
They weren’t doing anything, but it seemed like they were complaining.
So I said to myself, “How about we pick on me? How can I go easy on them?” I asked myself again, “What can I do to make this right?”
The answer is: Write a letter.
To this effect, I gave myself two weeks to make this work, two weeks to think of two ways to make my wife stay with me.
I have to admit I was very stubborn.
I was having a good time, but I was furious, and I was unhappy. Then I was saying to myself, “How can I find ways to make my wife stay?”
I also had to admit that I did do a few things that hurt my wife.
I said to myself, “I have hurt her before. Why should I change now?”
I have never been one to back down from a fight.
So I started to take a few steps back. I had a bit of a bad patch, and I wasn’t around her as much as I once was.
I tried to give her a little time and space.
I even did my part to soften her mood.
What happened was she was so mad I didn’t do enough for her, she had to do her own thing, and she went too far.
It got to the point where she would do anything to get me to stay with her.
She was in the moment of doing anything, including telling everyone I had cheated on her.
I have to admit I wasn’t happy about it, but I stayed. I told myself, “What is the worst thing I can do to make my wife stay?”
Then I realized we were better people than that.
We are better than our pride.
We are better than bitterness, resentment, and anger.
I could not let that happen again.
I did everything possible to let her know how much I appreciated her and how much I loved her (an interesting article for you is here).
I had waited a very long time for her, I knew she had a lot of work to do, but I could not allow myself to stay mad all the time.
She knew I was hurting, and she knew I was taking care of myself.
We both knew we had a long way to go. She understood.
I realized that I had to be more careful and considerate of what I say to her. Or else I would write a fantastic novel about I ruined my marriage and don’t know how can I fix it…
I was saying hurtful things that I wanted to hurt her.
I was letting her know how unhappy I was. I could not let that happen.
What happened was I stopped saying hurtful things to her when I felt angry.
I don’t think I ever said something to her that hurt her again.
I could tell some of my behavior really hurt her.
She noticed, and she knew that I had my pride and my power, but she knew that I wanted to let her know how happy I was with her.
I know that some of the above are going to be hard to do.
It will take a lot of effort, but I know that you will get there.
She is getting a clearer picture of who I truly am.
She realizes that I am not going to do or say hurtful things to her without provocation.
That was the only piece that was keeping me from being happy all the time.
I can not let her see me be bitter all the time.
But that is what I had done.
So I’m working very hard on the work, but now I have learned new techniques that I will be using.
I have to be very cautious in how I approach this.
There is a lot of work that has to be done.
But I think that once I turn the pages, the tears will flow freely, and the anger will go away for good.
PS. Most photos were used from the “Captiva Collection,” People (1) and Romance, Wedding, Pregnancy by David Watson (copyright bought and much enjoyed). The illustrations are from Pixabay. Thanks a lot!
PS2. You will find in the article links leading you to various sales pages of products that I am promoting as an affiliate. Please, consider that if you buy through those links in my post, I might make a tiny commission. The final price will stay unchanged for anyone.
PS3. Please, observe that English is not my first language (in fact, I am almost bilingual). If mistakes or strange word associations are sounding a little bit weird, please excuse my skills. I sincerely hope that my post – Ruined my marriage. How can I fix it? How do I repair it? – was fascinating.